I know I normally write longer post but today what I have to say is limited. I’m tired y’all. It’s like living in a twilight zone. When is it going to be enough? Every few months there’s another body, a new name, and the same feelings of trauma resurfacing all over again. Some days I’m angry and sad, while other days I’m just numb to it all. At this point, I avoid the news and watching videos because I don’t want to even be subjected to it. Then I find myself feeling guilt and shame for not paying attention, for remaining silent, or for not wanting to bear witness to the brutality caused by the lack in empathy for Black bodies. I personally know the long term effects of gun violence on a family because that’s what it is, police officers committing gun violence. I know what it feels like to have a family members life torn right from under your feet because of someone else’s stupidity. It makes you feel empty on the inside. You hurt in ways that are indescribable; your heart breaks. You just feel — tired. I don’t always know what to say out loud or what to say to anyone else in these moments. I just know that I feel immense sadness for the families who have to go through this; it’s just heartbreaking. Nobody deserves to see their families members be murdered in cold blood. Nobody deserves to be constantly re-subjected to trauma or to be reminded that they have to fight for their life to matter. We live, we breathe, and our hearts pump like everyone else’s. So why is that today I feel reminded that I have to question if the world thinks my life and the lives of everyone that looks like me matters?