You’re probably questioning why I put a picture that says white fragility on a blog post titled, The “Gay Agenda” huh? It will all make sense in due time.
Do you know what it is like to grow up and not see yourself accurately represented on media platforms? Then to finally find the one person you think will appropriately represent you, only to watch them be the product of society’s stereotypes. Sounds familiar right? Imagine not only being a Black male but a gay Black male trying to hone in on your own identity and find your place in society. To be honest, the lack of representation causes all types of internal struggles that play on one’s ability to acknowledge and accept themselves. You start to question yourself and you fight what you feel to accommodate for what you know to be true, or at least what you have been socialized to believe is true. The majority of Black people can directly identify with being inappropriately represented by reinforced stereotypes. Let that sink in while I move on to my next point.
It seems like some Black people who are raging about Black love, acceptance, & equality, are the same Black people bashing other marginalized Black groups for also wanting equality; carrying on about an “agenda.” Aren’t the agendas for equality amongst Black people all the same, or have y’all forgotten that we too are still Black? It is really tiring having to combat the fragile mindsets of the racists and privileged but to have to argue against homophobia and prejudiced Black biases as well; I’m tired. The level of idiocy that is shared amongst easily persuaded minds on deeply rooted issues towards other marginalized Black groups is mind-boggling. To scream you want equality while diminishing the values of other’s lives who just want to be equally accepted and represented is contradicting as fuck. You are causing your own existential crises because you simply lack the ability to display empathy and sympathy while neglecting to mind your own damn business about other’s business. At the end of the day, you’re the problem. The saddest part about all of this is that you are completely comfortable being the problem. In your mind your judgmental views are appropriate because you’re“just keeping it real” but honestly, your realness is ignorantly equivalent to white fragility. Boom!
Wait, let me guess. Being compared to the fragility of white people upsets you? Well, good. I honestly hope reading this triggered you because your thought process is rigid. If it did upset you then you are now responding in the exact way I knew you would. You are becoming defensive because you feel insulted due to me pointing out a flaw that you seem to lack the ability to internalize and process. You are probably even thinking about retreating because your defenses are now flaring. The author of ‘White Fragility,’ Robin Diangelo wrote, “White Fragility is a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include the outward display of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence, and leaving the stress-inducing situation.“ To me, it is all the same to engage and challenge people on their homophobic ideologies while attempting to argue that the concept of the “gay agenda” is driven solely by fear, self-righteousness, and ignorance. It’s anger-provoking, insulting, and just downright draining. Some of you know all too well, how challenging it is to argue with someone about the human right of acceptance and equality because you argue with those we label as white and fragile, hence, the comparison.
To simply put it, all of this stems from my frustration about conversations centered around Zaya Wade. Black love is love. Black love is unifying. Black love is beautiful. And, Black love is the Wade family’s portrayal of intentional love for Zaya. Media has a way of playing on the portrayal of Black fathers and Black parents as a whole loving on their LGBTQIA+ children unconditionally. Shit, the media plays on the stereotype of Black fathers in general. What we see is a father loving his child, period. Just because the concept of Black parents loving on their children who identify as what’s been socially taught as abnormal is unfamiliar, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. I can personally contest the intentional love of a Black father who has always loved me unconditionally. My dad will step to anyone who disrespects me for who I am. He put his own beliefs aside to accept me and raise me to be my best self for me and not everyone else and that is the same thing Dwayne Wade is doing for Zaya.
Now listen, I love my people but some of y’all need to learn to challenge yourself and put the shoe on the other foot. It’s also time to learn that sexual attraction and gender identity are, a) not your business, b) not the same thing, and c) someone else’s choice (reference the genderbread person below). This post isn’t meant to bash anyone, or even target your “opinions” because everyone has the right to their own opinion. However, I do want to challenge those in our community to open their minds to actually think before speaking for a change. Take time to challenge yourself to reflect on my comparison, which I do know can be argued against because it is an opinion, and just sit and process it for a few. I leave you with this. Growing is sometimes painful, yet beneficial. Sending you nothing but peace and love.